shifting years.

so.... 2008 was a huge year for me.

I was in extreme emotional pain most of the time, there were days that I wondered why I had to do all of the things that I had to do, when I did nothing to deserve it. There were days that I cried out of the blue, because I didn't know what else to do. There were days that I thought nothing worse could happen, and then worse did happen. I learned that trust definitely has to be earned by people that we are associated with, not automatically given out. Some might say that this year was the mother of all bad years for me....

BUT.... how can I sit here and complain about everything, when I had the worst and best year ever! I have grown up more in the past year than I did in the two years altogether that I've been out of high school. I have been fortunate enough to surround myself with music on a daily basis, and I've grown vocally more than I thought possible. I find it so much easier to talk to people than I ever have. I can stand up and sing for just about anyone without a butterfly to be found. I'm saving up for the trip of a lifetime to Ireland and wales, and I still can't believe that I've been blessed with such an opportune moment at this stage of life. I know what it's like to have something you love, like music take all of the pain away.

I may have lost a lot last year, but the Lord doesn't just let you suffer without giving you an opportunity to be happy. I learned that even when we're doing our absolute best, sometimes bad things happen. But the Lord doesn't hand you a lemon without giving you an opportunity to make the best of it. Yes, I've experienced more pain this year than I ever have in my 20 years of life, but I've also experienced more joy than I ever have. I thank Heavenly Father every day for giving me music, and amazing friends, and family.

This year, I walk into with open eyes. All I can do is my best. I expect it to be hard, I expect it to be painful, but I know that with the savior and music, I can get through it, and make it a fabulous one! =D

I want.

To know that I can do this.
To know that everything that I work for will be beneficial in the long run.
To feel like my life isn't going to be a train wreck forever.
My friends back.
To stop feeling so alone
My AC in my car to work.
A miracle of some sort.

new trust.

I must admit, when it comes to trusting people, especially in the last several months, I'm slow to do so. I can be "buddies" with just about anyone, but when it comes to really letting my feelings show and allowing others to see me in a less pleasant state I can't really come out of my shell. In a normal scenario, I just go out and get my mind off of things and pretend I'm happy and that everything is fine and dandy, unless I'm with the friends that I've known for years, that know exactly what to say to make me feel safe, and knew me before I had trust issues, lol.

... but this past weekend I let someone new look past my shield. Just a little. I needed someone to cheer me up and make everything seem better, and I trusted this person enough that I actually sought out his company. There wasn't really anyone else that I wanted to talk to, I suppose because anyone else would most likely try to fix me, and I didn't need fixing this particular evening. I went to this person, hoping to have my spirits lifted, but instead I gained trust in someone new. I allowed him to know that I'm not always the most pleasant person to be around. I felt like I could relax and be real, and I also had the opportunity to listen to him and let him know that I'm here for him, too.

... so thank you, friend, for letting me know that there are trustworthy people out there... oh, and also for letting me listen to my favorite british rockband =D

me?

I wrote this for english, and I thought it pretty much summed up ME...

Who am I?

I am a girl of many morals.
I am what I am NOT because I'm expected to be so,
but because i believe it to be right.

I respect myself, and those I am acquainted with, and I hope to be respected in return.

I have several flaws, but I am one of many who strives to improve.

I will one day be a wife and a mother, and teach my children these same values that have been shown unto me.

I am a lover of music, and hope to make a difference through it.

I live my life for Christ, because he lived and died for me, and he will be a part of me eternally.
I hope that one day the things I do will be of worth to someone in need.
I will one day, no matter how old or young I am, be significant, whether it be to my family, or to the world.
Its hard to be all that I hope to be in a world such as this, but I will continue to be me, and hope that that is enough.

So.... basically.... I caved into the pressures of forming my own blog. Therefore, you will all have to suffer through the daily, or not daily, antics of my so called amazzzzzzing life. Good luck with that! =D ciao